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Post by ancientchad on Oct 26, 2021 14:14:45 GMT -7
Many Vibes Ferd.
I'm so blessed. Mine are pretty f'in great so far. Ava's 11 and Ella's almost 9. Shit might hit the fan in a few years but so far so good. Fun, happy kids. I'm cherishing every second.
And no, they don't know anything about Daddy's new/old friend. Not yet anyway.
That might stir things up real good.
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Post by Vibyl on Oct 26, 2021 14:35:28 GMT -7
Thats a damn fine lookin' man Tree! ....if thats ok to say about your Dad
Consequences are important Ferrrrrrd....Please dont be one of those parents that are scared of their kids and wants to be their 'friend'...What they NEED is structure and support. Definitely give carrots to motivate and for when they do good and recognize them being good as often as possible, no matter how small it seems. They DO hear that.
Youre dealing with a bunch there ..You're a good dad Ferrrd!
Kids respect parents that enforce consequences. I hear it all the time when they think Im not listening...They do NOT respect parents that are a pushover.
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Post by chickenpoop on Oct 26, 2021 14:44:35 GMT -7
My kid is like 90% good. He tit punched me a couple months ago, and I got pretty mad and yelled, but I think that was just a one-time thing. Cuz if he does it again Imma throw these hands. Ha ha
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Post by deadphishbiscuits on Oct 26, 2021 15:05:15 GMT -7
Got damb basement is flooded
Sump pump shit the bed
Went n bought a shop vac, damn that thong filled quick
Getting pumped replaced now
Didn't have this problem last year
Lame
Ah well
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Post by DisinformationGovernanceBoard on Oct 26, 2021 15:07:56 GMT -7
Ferd I feel your pain. Daughter 12 (13 in December) Checked her grades two weeks ago and I blew a casket. Emailed all teachers and got her ass over here that Sunday.. My son to was fucking up. D- in Chemistry and Economics (11th grader). Shit gets my anxiety and temper flaring for sure. I pulled their desks out of their rooms and brought them out to the living room. I call it the triangle of trust. We had a good productive day 2 Sunday's ago and grades improved... Imma check the current grades now. My son ( 11th grade) CAD- B+ GYM- A Economics- C- Chemistry- B English- C- Algebra- D Doesn't look like the boy is going to Yale. Good to see the boy getting an A in Gym lol...Let's check 12 year old miss things grades. Art- A Science- C Math- C- English- C+ Social Studies- B- Life Skills- A Daughter improving.....Good! She's a pubescent adolescent beast/mess atm... Addicted to snapchat and tic tok. Her mother is useless when it comes to being firm on the importance of grades and school. I got stuck with the "bad cop" roll for this. #divorcedlifesucks Vibyl is right though... I think my kids appreciate and respect my directness and firmness when it comes to school. I don't fuck around and they know it. I can't really do anything really to punish but I can make their life a living hell by calling them everyday and keeping them on the phone with a thorough interrogation and reminder how school is literally their only job. I emailed all of my daughters teachers two weeks ago when her grades were much worse than above. She shaped right up after that. I love being the thorn in their sides lol. Kids Best part was making them amirite jk...love my babies ♥
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Post by chickenpoop on Oct 26, 2021 15:42:08 GMT -7
Man, we don't have to deal with grades until high school. That's going to be weird.
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Post by phishmann mymirthbeatenworker on Oct 26, 2021 15:53:38 GMT -7
my kids do pretty well but my wife has to stay on them from what i hear.
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Post by phishmann mymirthbeatenworker on Oct 26, 2021 15:58:28 GMT -7
Check out this badass picture of my dad that my mom just sent me. I’m going to enlarge it and hang it on my wall. dudes pretty chiseled .
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Post by deadphishbiscuits on Oct 26, 2021 17:25:25 GMT -7
Pump replaced
Basement drying
More clean up tomorrow Company that replaced pump sent up their water clean up guy to assess
Think he wants me to commit insurance fraud
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Post by lerner on Oct 26, 2021 17:27:00 GMT -7
ass fraud...
vibes...
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Post by phishmann mymirthbeatenworker on Oct 26, 2021 17:39:07 GMT -7
Pump replaced Basement drying More clean up tomorrow Company that replaced pump sent up their water clean up guy to assess Think he wants me to commit insurance fraud nice job. im trying to over look the fact you had to buy a shopvac .
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Post by Filo on Oct 26, 2021 18:12:49 GMT -7
Stay strong, Ferd. She has said she hates you. Eventually she will curse at you. That’s always fun the first time. Ask for the phone? She just stuffs it down the front of her pants and smirks. I was always told when my daughter was young that the claws tend to come out around 13 and I was like what? This sweet girl? Well….they did and didn’t retract for about 5 long years….like a gotdamn domestic war zone.It sounds like something is hitting her hard to cause the change in grades and other things you described. You pick at it too hard, it can get worse, and you say this will maybe pass, same thing. I hope things get better for the both of you.
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Post by deadphishbiscuits on Oct 26, 2021 18:14:49 GMT -7
Pump replaced Basement drying More clean up tomorrow Company that replaced pump sent up their water clean up guy to assess Think he wants me to commit insurance fraud nice job. im trying to over look the fact you had to buy a shopvac . Never needed one before haha Used to borrow one from my buddies cousin He lives to far away now though lol
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Post by lerner on Oct 26, 2021 18:30:31 GMT -7
i think i tried to tit punch my aunt a very long time ago...
like last christmas... jk shes a good woman... my hand just slipped....
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Post by ancientchad on Oct 26, 2021 18:30:44 GMT -7
"I was always told when my daughter was young that the claws tend to come out around 13 and I was like what? This sweet girl? Well….they did and didn’t retract for about 5 long years…"
This is where I am. "My first born baby girl?? No friggin' way!"
But I know I'm probably 100% mistaken.
Now the little one? Oh, she'll definitely be spending nights in jail. No question. Knew this when she was two.
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Post by Zeewada on Oct 26, 2021 19:15:09 GMT -7
my kids do pretty well but my wife has to stay on them from what i hear. Lol. I think I got it.
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Post by jordanwonder on Oct 27, 2021 10:31:37 GMT -7
Dude, Ferd. My heart hurts for you. It is so so so hard.
Spock's grades have been the suck too.
Some things that I've read about having ADHD, anxiety and depression are that it can seem impossible to know where to begin when you get behind. And it's so much easier to shut down then to figure out a way to dig out from under it. I've also read about something called the "wall of shame" and it's a wall that people build up to save themselves from the shame they feel when they are getting beaten up by life (parents, teachers, etc and so forth)
To me it sounds like what she really needs is a whole lot of love, compassion, and a shit ton of grace because let's face it....shit if fucking hard as fuck for kids these days. They were out of school for how long and at least for Spock being thrown back in with the same expectation like they didn't miss a beat.
Then you throw on the mental health challenges that SO MANY of these kids are struggling with...anxiety, depression....that takes a long time to heal....and even when things go well for awhile, as soon as they don't, because they are not fully recovered, it hits harder.
If she's cutting, it's likely because she needs to feel some sort of control in her life, it may be why she's late so much too.
If she's caring around shame it's an easy path to addiction (which is something I'm always very, very concerned about) (not to scare you or put thoughts in your head or give you something else to worry about). Working on the self-love, self-confidence and reminding her of how very very special she is so important.
I know that Spock struggles when he gets behind and it affects everything. He hates school but it's 100x worse when he is behind.
Last night, we went through Infinite Campus (the program that let's us see his grades and missing assignments and stuff) We made a list of everything that is missing: assignments, quizzes and tests. Everything that he has questions on, needs something in order to complete, and a list of questions for his teachers. I've been texting him before each class reminding him of what he needs to ask each of the teachers. Once he has all of the answers, we'll put together a calendar with the goal of getting all caught up within two weeks (while staying current). If he does what he needs to do, and isn't late for any classes, he can see his friends the next day, and that will carry on until he's totally caught up, and he can see his girlfriend on the weekend (she's from a different school district).
I know he shouldn't need this hand holding at his age, but seriously fuck it. I've been saying since he was little "parent the kid you have", and this is what he needs right now to be successful.
I'm checking his homework and helping him study for tests too (if he let's me. he knows he does better with help. this year he has preferred to study alone but the 50s aren't cutting it)
I think I'm somewhere in between the cool and good mom.
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Post by phishmann mymirthbeatenworker on Oct 27, 2021 10:47:09 GMT -7
Dude, Ferd. My heart hurts for you. It is so so so hard. Spock's grades have been the suck too. Some things that I've read about having ADHD, anxiety and depression are that it can seem impossible to know where to begin when you get behind. And it's so much easier to shut down then to figure out a way to dig out from under it. I've also read about something called the "wall of shame" and it's a wall that people build up to save themselves from the shame they feel when they are getting beaten up by life (parents, teachers, etc and so forth) To me it sounds like what she really needs is a whole lot of love, compassion, and a shit ton of grace because let's face it....shit if fucking hard as fuck for kids these days. They were out of school for how long and at least for Spock being thrown back in with the same expectation like they didn't miss a beat. Then you throw on the mental health challenges that SO MANY of these kids are struggling with...anxiety, depression....that takes a long time to heal....and even when things go well for awhile, as soon as they don't, because they are not fully recovered, it hits harder. If she's cutting, it's likely because she needs to feel some sort of control in her life, it may be why she's late so much too. If she's caring around shame it's an easy path to addiction (which is something I'm always very, very concerned about) (not to scare you or put thoughts in your head or give you something else to worry about). Working on the self-love, self-confidence and reminding her of how very very special she is so important. I know that Spock struggles when he gets behind and it affects everything. He hates school but it's 100x worse when he is behind. Last night, we went through Infinite Campus (the program that let's us see his grades and missing assignments and stuff) We made a list of everything that is missing: assignments, quizzes and tests. Everything that he has questions on, needs something in order to complete, and a list of questions for his teachers. I've been texting him before each class reminding him of what he needs to ask each of the teachers. Once he has all of the answers, we'll put together a calendar with the goal of getting all caught up within two weeks (while staying current). If he does what he needs to do, and isn't late for any classes, he can see his friends the next day, and that will carry on until he's totally caught up, and he can see his girlfriend on the weekend (she's from a different school district). I know he shouldn't need this hand holding at his age, but seriously fuck it. I've been saying since he was little "parent the kid you have", and this is what he needs right now to be successful. I'm checking his homework and helping him study for tests too (if he let's me. he knows he does better with help. this year he has preferred to study alone but the 50s aren't cutting it) I think I'm somewhere in between the cool and good mom. you are awesome mom. my high schooler the same way. shouldnt need his hand held but seems to need it now more than ever, and you cant let them not do the right thing its not an option.
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Post by treetophigh on Oct 27, 2021 10:49:08 GMT -7
I often wish someone would hold my hand these days. We all could use and deserve whatever support we can get or offer.
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Post by jordanwonder on Oct 27, 2021 10:52:29 GMT -7
seriously. I'm like if I have to fucking drag your ass all the way to graduation, I will.
I keep telling him he will change a million times over the course of his life, along with the things he thinks he wants. Do not make decisions now that will close doors for you. Do what is required. Be open minded. Be cool. And have some discretion.
kids are so dumb
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