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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 7:16:49 GMT -7
That's not a bad idea...
In the text message I sent her, I told her that grounding her and taking her phone isn't working...and asked for her suggestions on what might work to motivate her.
I doubt she'll answer with anything of substance...but maybe there's something she wants that could be a goal for her...
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Post by chickenpoop on Oct 26, 2021 7:22:36 GMT -7
I remember being 13. What she wants is 12 cds from Columbia House for just 1 penny!
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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 7:26:19 GMT -7
LOL
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Post by ashell on Oct 26, 2021 7:34:24 GMT -7
Thanks everybody. I'm most certainly not cool... She's 13...and she used to be the best student in her class...last year she failed 2 classes and had to take summer school. The pandemic has been rough on her for sure but she is like a totally different person these days. I want to smooth things over but still want her to know that her attendance and grades are unacceptable. Can you plan a daddy / daughter day and just hang out with the two of you? Not to reward her but just to reconnect even if its something simple it might help. I am sure it can be difficult with working parents and a big active family.
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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 7:39:05 GMT -7
That's not a bad idea ashell...I would just have to figure out something we can do together...I invite her hunting pretty frequently...but she has zero interest.
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Post by frododoknobo on Oct 26, 2021 7:42:56 GMT -7
And 21 days late, damn...what kind of bus drivers yall got out that way? Otto even got the Simpson kids to school on time -Legs takes the kids to school everyday. Then why is she late? I’m sure legs gets them there on time. Also, why are you texting her, when she doesn’t have her phone? Wouldn’t the best thing to do is have a calm sit down with her and legs? I can’t imagine how rough the last 18 months have been on kids. And nor would I know how to deal with it. I certainly don’t want you to think I’m giving parenting advice. I just think after any blow up, it’s time to have a serous calm discussion about the real issues. This too shall pass.
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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 7:46:02 GMT -7
She drags her feet like crazy every morning and gets to school late, despite Legs' attempts at getting her there on time.
She's going to get her phone back after school today...I tried having a calm discussion with her last night and she did nothing but give me attitude until I again lost my cool. At least with a text, I could convey my thoughts to her without hearing her attitude.
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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 7:46:30 GMT -7
The way she talked to me last night...I could have slapped the shit out of her...but we don't hit our kids.
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Post by Don Swifty on Oct 26, 2021 7:55:18 GMT -7
I remember being 13. What she wants is 12 cds from Columbia House for just 1 penny! I so wanted this, but my parents wouldn't let me. Explained the commitment and higher prices. I didn't care. I just wanted 12 records for a penny.
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Post by Zeewada on Oct 26, 2021 7:56:10 GMT -7
You need some Dhar Mann in your life Fred.
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Post by deadphishbiscuits on Oct 26, 2021 7:56:41 GMT -7
Pretty nice of ya to only hold the phone for 24hours
I'd put that shit in fort Knox
Ugh, I'm already bad cop...I'm going to become dirty , hands in with the cartel, to long on the beat cop when it comes to the teenage years
Maybe I'll take liquor drinkin and ciggs back up , really round it all out
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Post by Zeewada on Oct 26, 2021 7:56:42 GMT -7
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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 7:57:53 GMT -7
I'm not familiar with him. Reviewing his wiki page didn't clear much up. He's a motivational speaker, I guess?
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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 7:58:50 GMT -7
Pretty nice of ya to only hold the phone for 24hours I'd put that shit in fort Knox Ugh, I'm already bad cop...I'm going to become dirty , hands in with the cartel, to long on the beat cop when it comes to the teenage years Maybe I'll take liquor drinkin and ciggs back up , really round it all out -Yeah, I'm feeling kind of soft on that front. I just wish I could get her to talk to me about stuff...she is completely closed off.
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Post by Don Swifty on Oct 26, 2021 8:08:09 GMT -7
Give that girl some goals (get the grades up, etc.) and a bribe. Positive reinforcement yields the best results. Just like with doggos. My dad did the opposite. Not that I'm suggesting his was the better option. When my grades weren't to his liking, like B+ or below, and especially the rare D, even if in gym, he'd threaten to take me out of school once I turned 16, call his buddy who ran the village's maintenance department, and get me a job riding the back of a garbage truck. I guess he thought that was a good motivator for me to apply myself more. I'd tell him that I was fine with being pulled out of school, but instead of emptying garbage cans I'd turn my summer work into full time and dig clams where I made a bit over a $100 a day (early 80's when that was a good amount). He'd remind me how I'd have to break the ice of the frozen bay during winter time and it wasn't all working on my tan like in summer. I knew he wanted me to go to college more than I did so I also knew he was bluffing. I've read how marketing through negatives can be more effective than positive marketing. Don't sell someone on what they'd be gaining. Sell them on what they'll be missing out on. You're not going to gain 10% by investing in X, you're losing that money by not investing. FOMO is a strong motivator. Probably different when it comes to kids and parents. I'll never know. All you jambase parents have my respect. At some point I'd probably try talking my wife into running away from home with me so we didn't have to deal with the kids.
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Post by chickenpoop on Oct 26, 2021 8:13:33 GMT -7
My dad yelled all the time. It was awful.
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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 8:13:59 GMT -7
Like I said, negative reinforcement doesn't seem to be working in this scenario.
I also haven't mentioned this, but she's a cutter. And when she gets in trouble for something is when she tends to do the cutting...so we sometimes handle her with kid gloves to try and avoid the self-harm...
Fuck. Parenting is hard as shit.
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Post by frododoknobo on Oct 26, 2021 8:25:11 GMT -7
Like I said, negative reinforcement doesn't seem to be working in this scenario. I also haven't mentioned this, but she's a cutter. And when she gets in trouble for something is when she tends to do the cutting...so we sometimes handle her with kid gloves to try and avoid the self-harm... Fuck. Parenting is hard as shit. This is awful. I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry I joked with you earlier. You’re dealing with a lot. So is she.
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Post by frododoknobo on Oct 26, 2021 8:27:00 GMT -7
My parents did the positive reinforcement thing. And when I didn’t do the thing I was being positively reinforced to do, the earth was scorched.
I was a good kid, but also a pain in the fucking ass.
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Post by ferd on Oct 26, 2021 8:27:13 GMT -7
No need to apologize. I appreciate the levity. But yeah, we're dealing with a lot for sure.
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