Need Parenting Thoughts

i would wait for a reason, and have you asked her mother?

Just turned 13

She hasn’t given you a reason. Thats a plus. You don’t seem to believe she is on any social media. That’s a plus. Not that you have ever tried I imagine, but if she doesn’t get weird acting if you said, “can I see your phone a minute, mine is acting up” and just gave you the phone without doing a bunch of shit with it before she handed it to you, then you probably have not a lot to worry about. Good luck, man.

Yes, she's knows the dangers. I pay for it and monitor her apps thru Google.

She's not crazy protective of her phone. She let's her little sister use it sometimes and I've used it for some things before.

I forgot to mention my brother brought it up unprompted. Told me he was blown away at stuff he saw in "good kids'" phones.

Some kid forwards you something horribly inappropriate but then you forward it trying to fit in and then everybody gets busted and in big trouble kinda thing.

Put her phone in a metal bucket and light it on fire to teach her a lesson. Then lock her in a closet and make her smoke the whole carton.

Trying to control what kids are going to wind up doing anyways seems futile. Nobody wants their kids to curse, but they learn the words anyway, use them amongst their friends, and nobody dies. My mom didn't want me to watch R rated movies and listen to certain bands - I did anyway and am none the worse for it. I'm not sticking up for social media or saying everything on it is all good (obviously it's not), but what's the worse they're going to encounter that we didn't encounter for ourselves when childhood was more analog? The big difference (I guess) is that things are a lot easier to access now which makes parenting now a lot more challenging. When I was 13 I didn't care about not having a phone in my room and was fine using the phone in the kitchen, but I'm guessing if you don't give your kid their own cellphone now they'll give you so much shit and paint you out to be some control freak monster. Being a kid or a parent now sounds way more complicated, but I'll bet our parents thought the same when we were all teenagers and they were dealing with the newness of cable TV, videogames, the 'world wide web', etc.

Good luck, ac. Be glad there's no reason to go through your daughter's phone. If I had kids I'd hope to have your philosophy on this. I'd keep my eyes open, but wouldn't look for problems. Teenage years are rough enough as it is for kids.

Berg has already asked for a phone and now asks for money whenever we ask her do things. I guess we will have to start putting her on an allowance and reward her when she does her chores. Yesterday I asked her to turn the lights off in the basement and she said she would do it for $10.

...Inflation is a bitch...


fyi, she did it and she did not get paid for it. "You don't get paid for turning off lights"

I mean a janitor gets paid to technically turn on and off the lights. Obviously not the only thing they get paid for. We will reward her for doing certain things, turning off the lights in the basement after she already came upstairs, and they should have already been off, is not one of those things.

That's all my grandfather got paid for. No janitorial stuff. Just lights on/off one day a week since the temple members were observant enough not to do any work on Saturday. That and the facts that he was an alcoholic and bowled several 300 games in his life is all I really know about him.

I'd use psychology on my kids to get them in the habit of turning off lights. Fear of loss/missing out is a greater motivator than an opportunity to gain. I'd give my kids an allowance but make it known there'll be deductions for every time they left the room (for good, not just a minute or two) without turning off the lights - maybe I'd throw in a bonus for an entire week without leaving any lights on and give raises based on performance. But for years I've admitted I'd be a terrible parent so take anything I say about parenting as an observation, not advice. I totally get parents who get annoyed when people without kids try to give them parenting advice. It's probably as annoying as people with kids saying to a childless couple 'when are you two going to start a family?'

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